


A Journey with an End

by fanofthecullen



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, Gen, Loss, Other, Revenge, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 20:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanofthecullen/pseuds/fanofthecullen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris has returned to Kirkwall, seeking the apostate who destroyed the Chantry and started the Mage/Templar war. However a heavy guilt hangs over him, memories still fresh from the night he lost his friends. He does not know how much humanity is left within in. Soon he finds himself asking himself the same questions Anders once did; is he being driven by a need for Justice, or Vengeance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Journey with an End

 

### Seeking Aid

It was long after sunset when he arrived at the Templar outpost, serving as a temporary head-quarters for those still loyal to the order. Following the destruction of the Gallows in Kirkwall, the Knight Commander and those loyal to him had been relocated to outside the city near the Chantry. The outpost, however, was no more than a collection of small tents and a few supply carts.

_How does the Chantry expect to maintain order, when they neglect their only hope of controlling this war?_

A guard led him to a large tent in the center of the field. The tent was lavishly decorated with vivid purple and gold colours with a large plume of smoke rising from the center. There were several Templar shields and swords laid out the front; strangely the insignia seemed unfamiliar, though still recognisably Templar. 

He was led inside. Knight Commander Cullen was hunched over a desk, surrounded by officers with various maps, paperwork and statuettes representing the entirety of the chaos that was now Kirkwall, each trying to gain the Knight Commanders full attention.

"…Sebastian will not back down. He claims to be guided by the Maker…"

"…Or guided by his hatred for the Champion. Sebastian has no semblance of the Maker’s forgiveness left within him…"

"…a small group of six apostates hiding out in Sundermount, rumors are spreading..."

"…Kirkwall cannot afford to lose another stable, we need to send word to Tantervale about the possibility…"

The guard attempted to address the Knight Commander in the chaos. "Ser, one of the Champions old companions. I present Fenris of Tevinter…"

The Knight Commander looked up from his desk, a look of exhaustion quickly turning into one of unease at the sight of the Elf he had once known.

"Fenris, I remember you well."

"Knight Commander Cullen."

The man gestured to his fellow Templars to leave the tent. After several moments of hustle and a flurry of dropped documents, the only officers remaining were those closest to the Commander.  He gestured towards an aged chair. 

"Thank you, Knight Commander. How are you and your men faring out here? Has Starkhaven shown no signs of weakening?"

The Knight Commander frowned. He had aged since Fenris last spoke to him, with dozens of wrinkles coming to scar his once bright complexion long before their time.

The Knight Commander turned away from the elf. Fenris followed his eyes; they wandered to the Templar insignia hanging above him, although his gaze seemed to extend far beyond the tent walls.

"I wish to not be a burden in these desperate times, however I would not have come without solid information…"

The Commander stirred from his exhausted state. "Fenris, I appreciate your efforts. But if this is about Anders, he is gone. I cannot provide you with the resources you need, nor can I risk more men when the city is disintegrating before our very eyes."

"He is _not_  gone. He is within the city boundaries. The information I have received clearly gives leads to a ship currently docked just off…"

"Whose information would this be?"

Fenris became unsettled. "A…an apostate I crossed paths with while I was in Starkhaven informed me with some certainty that...”

"And was this information given willingly?" the Knight Commander inquired.

Fenris clenched his fists, scoffing at the notion a Knight Commander would take issue with the methods used.

"Knight Commander, surely the nature of the mages gives us reason to use any force necessary. They are monsters, playing the suffered victim yet still supporting a war which is tearing Thedas apart."

"Not all mages are monsters, Fenris. Anders--now  _he_  is a special kind, but one is not born a monster. We are all given the same choices…and he chose his fate. Not all mages make that choice."

Fenris sat back into his chair, looking up at the ceiling. _All my efforts wasted. Why did I even come here? Why does he defend them so when the enemy is so close…?_

The Knight Commander sighed. “I suppose I will not turn you away after you have travelled so far. If you do have information, I will hear it. But please, excuse my apprehension…we have tried every method to track down that abomination. Do you believe your sources to be more accurate than the Templar Order’s?”

“Of course not, Knight Commander.” Fenris said in his most polite voice. “However, I believe you called off your men too soon. Anders would have been passed around through every apostate slum in Kirkwall while the Templars were searching for him. I do not agree with your conclusions that he managed to escape the city during the Anullment.”

“Do you honestly believe that the most wanted man in the Free Marches would be able to slip through the Guardsmen and the Templars?” The Knight Commanders tone hardened. “And besides, you mentioned a ship. Well, it just so happens that _every damned guardsman_ within Kirkwall is stationed at the docks to check and recheck every vessel entering and leaving. There is no way he could have been smuggled on board any of them.”

“Do not pretend to know what the guardsmen within Kirkwall are doing, or do you mean to tell me you can see the docks from your little outpost here?” Fenris scowled.

“Watch your tone, elf” Cullen’s tongue lashed. “The death of your friends and your need for vengeance does not excuse you from mocking the Knight Commander.”

_My only friends…_

Fenris rubbed his brow in frustration, managing to collect himself.

“My apologies, Knight Commander, but I fear it would be naïve to think no one could have smuggled apostates onto a ship. They have connections, the Mage’s Collective…a dock master would be far more inclined to save a vulnerable apostate for a large sum of coin, than to report to the guards and have their shipping operations shut down.”

The Knight Commander sighed. “Perhaps, but an act of violence against the Chantry will not be looked upon favourably amongst the masses.”

_Why is he being so difficult to convince?_

“My source tells me he has been posing as one of the mage refugees looking for passage out of Kirkwall. He is apparently with a large group of apostates on a ship bound for Ferelden.”

“Ferelden? Why would the apostates go to Fereldan?”

Fenris smiled with a slight satisfaction that he was now being taken seriously. “While the King of Fereldan’s efforts have been great, there are still large parts uninhabited by Templars and the Chantry. With the numerous abandoned farms and villages, many apostates are apparently looking for a safe-haven in the aftermath of the Blight.”

The Knight Commander got up from his chair and gestured for Fenris to do the same, moving to the war table where various maps were spread out, marked with numerous crossed and arrows showing the movements of the mage and Templar forces.

“And what would you have me do?” the Knight Commander asked.

“All I ask for is a few of your men to help me get to the docks and to keep the guardsman happy. I doubt Aveline will allow me to just wander into the city unattended. She never shied away from her distrust of me.”

“ _Guard-Captain_ Aveline, Fenris. And I fear that distrust is well warranted.”

Fenris frowned. The air was still not clear between him and Aveline.

After the Chantry was destroyed, Aveline had asked him to help with scouting out the remaining apostates in Darktown, as their forces were too small at the time to deal with the mages and the unrest in the city’s masses. Soon reports from her guardsman told a story of excessive force used against the mages, with Fenris turning to his Lyrium markings too often for the killing blow, despite the intense pain it caused. After Fenris was found ripping a young apostates heart out, he was exiled from the city, lest until the operation was over.

_Killing those mages was the only thing that kept me from feeling the pain…I was only doing what was asked of me…  
Perhaps I should focus more on the war to gain his attention?_

On the map, Fenris saw the strange insignia once again. To his surprise, it had been marked with the ‘enemies’ streak.

“The Red Templars are a problem for you, yes?” Fenris said as he looked smugly at the Knight Commander.

Cullen frowned, staring Fenris straight back in the eyes. He had hit a nerve.

_Yes, the Red Templars…he is not so confident now…_

“They wish for the death of that abomination, yes? If I have heard correctly, they have stated they will not join the peace-council unless he is put to death…”

“You have heard a lot of things it seems, elf.”

“If I bring Anders to you, alive…it would do more for the Templars case of the peace council, against the Orlesian circles First Enchanter…”

Despite the Chantry’s destruction, the remaining Circles were receiving some support from the Divine, with talk of lessening restrictions on mages so they are less likely to betray the Maker. The movement was headed by the First Enchanter of the White Spire, who had good connections with the other circles, and with the Empress.

"The Templars will not agree to peace until Anders is found, and yet while we wait to make peace, we lose lives every day, and we will _keep_ losing them, lest there be no mages _or_ Templars left in this world. It is exactly as we had feared, the mages…I do not know what we stand for anymore. What this, this _order_ , stands for anymore…” The Knight Commander shook his head. “Still, you are asking me to provide good men, to engage in activities unbecoming of a neutral Templar. And if you are right, if there are indeed a group of apostates on that ship, I would also be risking their lives.”

Cullen leant in closer to Fenris, peering menacingly into his eyes. “And besides…” the Knight Commander intimated. “How can I be sure you won’t just kill him yourself the moment you get the chance? I can see through you…your friends are dead, and now you wish to take vengeance, regardless of consequences? How can I _trust_ you, Fenris of Tevinter, to not give in when the time comes?”

_He is testing me. I will not give in. I am doing this for Hawke, for Isabela…_

“Hawke would have wanted me to bring him to Justice. If you cannot trust my word, at trust my loyalty…my loyalty to The Champion.” His voice was wavering, even at a mention of his lost friends.

The Knight Commander backed down from his threatening stance.

“I know you do not trust me, Knight Commander…Cullen. But I know nothing you or I can do will bring Hawke back. Will bring Isabela back…bringing Anders to Justice is the only path left I can take to avenge them. I still think about that night…as fresh a memory as any.”

Fenris hung his head, his markings lightly throbbing with pain. Every day the pain was getting worse, though he was not sure if it was his guilt or his anger. “I can’t…I can’t get it out of my head.”

_I am too weak._

“I know Fenris. I was there” said the Knight Commander, in an attempt to comfort the elf.

“I didn’t mean to speak as if you weren’t…”

There was silence for a while. The cool evening winds swept through the tent and made the fire flicker violently, reminding Fenris of the blazing firestorm that ravaged Kirkwall that night. The Knight Commander looked as if he too was reliving the painful memories.

Cullen let out a weak cry of frustration. “Ahh, If only I had seen through Anders sooner. I knew he was dangerous, but his work with the refugees lead me to believe there was good in him worth fighting for. We allowed him to run with the Champion because we thought he could do good…and yet our kindness was returned with betrayal.”

Fenris swallowed, the thick guilt accumulating in his throat, a guilt that had never left him since he buried his friends.  
 _Perhaps the Templar is to blame…but no, it is not solely his burden. It…it is my own fault, **my fault,** for not saving them…If only I had killed the abomination when I had the chance. I can almost feel his neck in my hands..._

Cullen slowly walked back towards the chairs, his head hung in defeat. However, as another gust of wind seeped through the tent, an invisible force seemed to stop him in his tracks, and he turned back to Fenris, his eyes solemn.

“…I, I did not know Hawke as well as you did, but I know he was the only damned thing keeping that city together. Sometimes I wonder even myself if Anders is worth chasing…wonder if I should let this plague of vengeance grow until I too am consumed, for nothing would satisfy me more…

…and then I see you Fenris. And I know what I would become if I went down that path.”

Fenris gritted his teeth. He couldn’t contain his rage any longer.

“Why won’t you help me!? Why do you just _sit_ there and pretend that nothing can be done to stop this? _I can find him_. I can and will find him, and I bring him before you, or die trying!”

“That is what concerns me” said Cullen. “I am sorry Fenris…I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

Fenris felt as if he would lose control of his anger. _If he won’t help, he is no different from the abominations he defends…I will not forget this. I will not let him get away with this._

He stormed towards the tent entrance, taking care to not to look the Knight Commander in the eyes. _I will not give him the satisfaction._

Just as he was about to leave, Cullen called after him.

“Fenris…”

Fenris abruptly stopped and turned back, his eyes seeming as if his rage alone would kill any man who looked upon them. “What? Want to make sure I am broken before I leave? Want to mock me for wanting to avenge my friends…?”

“No Fenris. I offer advice…I too, have seen my friends murdered by abominations, and have lived with hatred in my heart…”

Fenris clenched his fists, turning away from the Knight Commander in disgust. _You do not know, you cannot know…_

“Do not let it consume you. Do not throw your life away for a lost cause…for one man. Your suffering will not end with the death of Anders. It will only end with you letting go of your hate.”

 

*******************************************************************************

 Fenris rose before the other Templars in the camp, avoiding the guards. He moved silently to the stables.

_What will I do now, without the help of the Templars? How will I get into the city?_

With a horse saddled and his weapon sheathed, he quietly led the horse past the guards out the front of the camp. When he believed he was out of their range, he mounted and began to ride towards the city.

_Kirkwall._

Fenris found himself staring at the small city sitting on the horizon, looking so peaceful against the faint sunrise, and yet the brilliant colours fell flat against the grey walls. _Fitting, for the place that drew the life out of this world…_

_No, I mustn’t give up hope. Hawke would have…wanted me to go on._

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A fanfic without romance?  
> Have just discovered something called 'HTML' which apparently everyone knows how to do except me. I have a basic idea of where this story will go. 
> 
> A thank you to Boomshakalakalakaboom for some editing and teaching me full stops are included in the speech apostrophes.


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